incredible.

fuck school. ap tests. promises. bullshitters. liars. bad days. crying. you.

so.

so there's this boy and i don't think i've told him everything i think i should of told him. things like how when he's not around, i'm just waiting until that time where i get to see him again, how everything's incomplete when he's not around, how i catch myself thinking about him just about all the time. he's my everything, my all <3 he's not perfect because nobody is, but in my eyes, he's everything i need. right now i want nothing more than to be with him & i miss him so much. i'm so sorry baby..

Everytime I think I'm close to the heart What it means to know just who I am I think I've finally found a better place to start Where no one ever seems to understand I need to try to get to where you are Could it be you're not that far? You're the voice I hear inside my head The reason that I'm singing I need to find you I gotta find you

it's not easy when you're parents practically scream and yell at each other every time they meet. it's not easy when you're family is beyond broken, like strangers under one roof. i hate how there's so much expected from me. i have to be stick skinny, i have to be "PRETTY", i have to be so smart, so perfect. cause i mean a million other girls out there are so much prettier than me right? cause "no guy will ever like you." I don't get why i'm expected to change who i am all the time.. I hate how i can be so happy one moment and then snap right out of it because it's never permanent. I don't get how everything at school & home can be so fucked up. Because everybody's so busy with their own lives, because i'm just an option now so why make anybody a priority. It sucks when you can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. How everything feel so empty. How about when your past comes back and stays with you all the time and with everything you do. Cause it's not easy when your bestfriend lives thousands of miles away and how i never get to see him anymore. It's depressing to think about how people come and go so quick before you even get the chance to really get to know them. It's almost been 3 months since he's been gone. I miss him so much. Everything's shitty as hell. I don't know what i want. I don't know what i need..

xanga is so scary. it made me feel like people could track everything i did because of the footprints thing. i miss him. i finally got my invisible children's bracelets. anyways i feel like listing things that make me happy !
food
mixtapes
febreze
birthdays
stuffed animals
scrapbooks
smiley faces
photobooths
letters <3
cute notes :)
boyfriend
piano&keyboard
acoustic music
finding good music
lunchboxes :)
phone talks
walking
bestfriend
disney movies
new clothes & shoes
the beach
icecream
getting A's
new magazines
hugs !
stickers
dresses & heels
urban outfitters
boxers & boyshorts :)
football
basketball [LAKERS<3]
dance
my boyfriend
my boyfriend
my boyfriend
my boyfriend
my boyfriend

because he makes my terrible day
a whole lot better by saying
: your the first person i could ever feel so comfortable with, and completly open to.
: i can spill my heart out to you, be compltely vulnerable to you
: and you just take that and you just make things so wonderful and amazing
: and i keep falling deeper and deeper
: in love with you

<3