For someone special :)

Sent from my iPhone

SHOPPING

@ supermall & south center today :) I got so many clothes for so cheap! It was so much better than black Friday shopping :) I spent $30 but I got 12 things at pacsun and aerie! It was super exciting haha $3 denim bullhead shorts at pacsun!

SURROUNDED

by artificial, you're the closest thing to real I see.

Ne-Yo - Better Today
Danny Fernandez - Fantasy
Se7en - Girls
Ne-Yo & NKOTB - Single
Akon - Beautiful
Ne-Yo - Coke Side of Life

The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That's the only lasting thing you can create.

BI POLAR WEATHER

It's hailing in Federal Way.

MC DONALDS

Just ate a whole crapload x) my tummy is super pregoooo!

KC & JOJO

LOL @ singing "all my life" with everyone on the car & ugly cracking voices (guys)!!

TUMBLR

click
Pictures posted there.

I FIGURED,

That since no one actually reads this (thank goodness) that I'll just goon a huge rant that I've been meaning to let out for awhile. I realized that I really want to stay here in Seattle. Though the weather really sucks here, it sure beats cerritos and the people there. I realized that being nice and doing good things for others are under appreciated because despite all of the hearfelt things that are done, at the end of the day, everybodys so damn materialistic. I just kind of thought about how the people in Seattle, friends and family actually care about you, not because they're your friends and family and they have to but because they genuinely want to. It makes me feel better and more secure inside knowing that other than scrambling around looking for security and trying to please others so that they'll do the same for you. Kay Ill surely continue this later.

@ BLUE FIN RESTURANT

Merry Christmas everyone :)

HOLYSHIIIIIT

SAT SCORES. enough said.

SO FCKING HYPER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! (=
I DID SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EXPECTED!<3

FUN NIGHT

LOL @ walking friends home at 1 in the morning and slipping on icy roads (=

I CAN'T HELP,

but feel lonely. With the small number of people that remain in my circle of friends..
Jerome straight up told me today: “Almost no one can stay close to you.”
Though I wish it wasn’t, it is a realistic trait of my personality. I can’t think of one person that I have stayed close to for a substantial amount of time. Not one person in my life has held a strong bond with me from the beginning of the relationship to the present time period. The bond always seems to weaken or diminish.

I think this is my downfall.

SEXY SNOWWOMAN (=

IT'S EARLY

I woke up at 8 today from a 12 hour sleep. Looked out the window and was freaking ecstatic(sp) that it wasn't snowing anymore! The snow from yesterday is still there but at least there is nothing more that can add to it. Yeah so I've been having this craving to go shopping for me and not for other people cause I haven't been able to do that cause I've been broke. But yeah. I need to charge my phone now! Bye

LET IT SNOW<3

Today people walked all the way from their houses to visit me! Roads make it impossible to drive anywhere. We had so much fun, we ate and then we started building our snow army. It had cannons, tanks, snowmen soldiers with pitchforks and all! After that, we climbed on top of my aunts car (which was covered in snow) and slid off. Someone *cough made a dent on the roof of the car! Haha days like these remind me of why I never want to leave Seattle once I get here. I freaking love it here<3 I just wish there was Internet here (updating via iPhone). I hope our snowmen army stays alive throughout the night.

To stand here and try to fix her life is just a big waste of time. People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their drama. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

Although it's fun here, I can't help but to feel a little ignored and forgotten back in California. No one even has time for me anymore.. Haha I sound so selfish.. But I can't help this feeling..

BABY, ITS COLD OUTSIDE

So it continues onto day two of "let's have a fucking blizzard in the state of Washington." there's snow everywhere like up to my stomach ): I can't wait until this over so I can go shopping and play<3

Love,
Clara

DAY ONE

Okay so when I landed in Seattle, I thought, oh how cute! It's snowing! Since then it's turned into some freakish blizzard thing. To tell you how bad it is, I use to have stairs to get to the front door xD haha I like 2 inches of snow, NOT 2 feet! Missing the California weather already!

Love,
Clara

ALL I CAN SAY IS,

Wow.
It's so beautiful here!
White snow everywhere and as white as can be :)

OUCH!

NOTE TO SELF
never again take out earrings and forget to put them back in

like 2 minutes ago, I tried to put my earrings back on and the needle part wouldn't go all the way through and I felt like I was making a new hole or something )= It didn't bleed but it felt like someone pinched my ear really hard )x ahah. Why do my holes close up so fast?!

p.s. 9 more days until SAT scores
4 more days until Seattle

WEEK PLAN

MONDAY
APUSH Outline Chapter 16
Math Homework #62
English Homework
Chemistry Lab

TUESDAY
After school, Study with Michelle for Trigonometry
APUSH Outline Chapter 16 / Start Chapter 17
Math Homework #63
Study for french vocab quiz
Email list to Jessica
Anything else that comes up

WEDNESDAY
After school, last minute present buying @ Mall
APUSH Outline Chapter 17
Math Homework #64
Anything else

THURSDAY
After school, Wrap presents like crazy
Finish making cards / presents
Bake cookies with M&M's specially made for Aaron (=
Bake for everybody else
Make Spaghetti or Lasagna for Yearbook Party!
Make yummy food for English table <3
Go grocery shopping for French "culture (not party*ahem) day"
Study for Trigonometry test
Study for Chemistry Quiz
Study for APUSH Chapter 16 & 17 test
not get any sleep

FRIDAY
Play!
Pack for Seattle
Buy things on the list

SATURDAY
Cristina's House
Gingerbread Castle making
Scary movie watching

LIST:
Graham Crackers
Oreo's
Gold Fish
Candy Canes
Frosting
Twizzlers
Marshmallows
Hershey's Milk Chocolate
Hershey's Cookies n' Creme
Gummie Bears
Sprinkles!
I forgot the rest...

I feel unimportant, un-needed, and dependent. There's not much in my life that stays constant, the rest is subject to change at any given moment. Knowing that drives me crazy. I know that's just how life is, but I feel so out of control. I want to feel like there's at least something that will always be there.

WE'RE CUTE!

OUTSIDE JO-ANN'S CRAFTS (=

AWKWARD MOOSE!

Today I woke up at seven because I had no money and I had to ask my mommy for money before she left to work. I stayed up and watched tv for a little bit & then got ready to go out with Jeffrey. We walked to CPE to take the cow bus to the mall and we got there around 10:30. I was supposed to shop for other people, but since I'm always looking for that "perfect" gift, I seriously couldn't find anything ): I bought 2 gifts and that's all. I'll probably go back on Monday or something.

List (again)
[/] Janet
[/] Jessica
[ ] Melinda
[ ] Cristina
[ ] Michelle
[ ] Linda
[/] Jeffrey

Christmas is stressful..

Anyway, back to card making / card writing / present making

JeffwiieeMonster!: i love you :D
clawam0nster! : ew
JeffwiieeMonster!: ......

TAKING TIME OUT

to write this much needed blog/vent. (Please bear yourselves for the semi essay of a blog to come.It isn't necessary to read on, I'm just venting the shit out of my life right now.)

I wish I could follow my own advice that I give to people but none of my advice works to benefit me at all. Dead end, turn around and find myself at another dead end. It's still there but there is no point what so ever to even stay. Nothing much I can do from this point except turn back and find myself at another dead end. Sometimes I wish you hated me so we wouldn't be friends and I wouldn't be in this problem. I wish you hated me with everything you have. Because then it'd be easier for me to run away from everything. You know me too well, but there's one thing I should of said before and if i did it would of made everything easier for me. Now when I want to say something, I just stand their with a blank face and a dropped jaw, blank. Even right now, I am sitting at my desk trying to think of the words to type. Brain to fingers, fingers to brain. I watch Blogger auto-save my draft, five minutes pass by. It saves again. This blog is suppose to have a point, have some meaning, show me growth, my opinion, my reaction, my life. I guess this is a pointless blog. As I try to think of the thought that I thought of before that I wanted to say to you, I am just going to give up and say it has been forgotten. Forgotten with the other thoughts that I have always wanted to say but.. you know. I feel like crap. I thought I knew you, but we're all just strangers. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm sick of whatever the hell this is that I feel right now. Mixed emotions. I feel like I've already lost. There's no longer anything for me to fight for, it feels like there's nothing worth fighting for at this point. I don't know what to feel. Maybe it's confusion. Maybe I'm just searching for something that I'll never be able to find, let alone have. I am beating myself over the head with this one.

PROCRASTINATION

I'm once again refraining from completing my APUSH Chapter 15 outline! (= It's always so cold these days. I feel like I'm living in a igloo or something ): I ate so much food today! heh it's been awhile. Anyway,

HOMEWORK
French Quiz Grammar
Math homework #60
APUSH Outline
APUSH Extra Credit
Finish Annotations

long day today.

THINGS I NEED TO BUY
Hello Kitty Guitar Pick
Plain white tin lunch box
wrapping paper and ribbons
Visa Gift Card to buy things online
Scarfs (=

I confuse myself. There's something with my thought process.

I really want to go to an outdoor ice skating rink.

Kristina & Jerome: Let's hang out winter break. I miss you guys. I'm so sorry for not being able to make it that one day, but this time, there's nothing to worry about.

AS USUAL,

My life has fluctuated once again. I'm trying..
This is one of my random entries that I usually leave as a draft. Wanted to say something before I leave. From mind, to fingertips, to keys, to screen, to worldwide web. Even though you can probably care less about me now a days, I still care.

I love cloudy days.

FAILURE

Why invest so much into something when its bound to fail. Its like poor gambling.

SLEEPY

I just woke up from a 3 hour "nap." I feel so tired and lazy.

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole in the ground and there's no way to get out or save me. I feel like I've lost.

I WANT

I AM

a horrible person. I am a terrible person. I don't deserve most of the things I get. I don't deserve the respect, trust, unconditional love, forgiveness, or anything that is given to me. I know I don't. No one has to flatter me. I don't know why I am the way I am. Except the reason of just because I am me. I wish I wasn't so me though. I feel like I'm jeopardizing a lot by being "me" and I'm pretty much sick of it. Not an identity crisis but it's just that I don't want to lose anymore, I want to win. To be honest, I'm really scared of those close to me. I feel like I'm always on the road to failure, but even that is a flaw. I used to be so positive, what happened? I almost just want to kick my own ass, it really does feel like I have two people in side one body that are constantly bickering. One side that does all the fucking up, is the one that makes the actions, while my other side, my conscience, is the one always playing it safe. No matter how much reassurance I get, I still fear losing everybody. Honestly, I feel like everybody around me is so far and I can't hold on to them. It's pretty unbelievable, the person I use to be. Its not that I don't who know I am anymore. I know who I am. Its more like I just have so many things I want to change about myself. It's pretty overwhelming, but I know who I want to be. I'm tired of being "this". I feel so on the edge, that the littlest thing can knock me off.

LMFAO MUST WATCH

This definitely made me laugh (=

BESTFRIEND

I miss you...

HOMEWORK
Trigonometry Homework #56
Chemistry #4
Chemistry Worksheet
APUSH Charts

I'll be awake at four.

Miss Independent - Ne-yo

CUTE!

DISNEYLAND

before I start
JANET MY EARS ARE PIERCED (=
teheh. I can't comment you because I don't know how
but hopefully you read this! (= ily

Anyway today was SATs and honestly I was super nervous & super cold at the same time. This morning I was so so shaky. I went to find a hairband and I walked to the kitchen, I wanted to wet my toothbrush and instead drenched my toothpaste tube in water. I shouldn't have freaked out so much but I did anyway and I literally had cold sweat ew x) It wasn't as hard as I imagined it would be, but still freaked me out! I had 4 math sections what the eff? haha, after, I went home and watched a part of the movie Get Smart! so funny. After, I went to Disneyland at two! It was super fun even though we didn't ride much. We rode Autopia, Space Mountain, Buzz Light Year, and Indiana Jones (= we also played Basketball and Mario Kart at the arcade. Fireworks and snow was my favorite part! It was so freaking amazing! Like a winter wonderland. Fireworks were way better than previous times & it was all cheerful and Christmas-y like! We just spent the whole time walking around Disneyland and Downtown Disney! I wanted to buy more stuffed animals, but I got too eager to eat! LOL. Talk about starvation. Anyways, I loved loved loved today (=
THANKS FOR A GREAT TIME BABE!<3

As Shyamal said, "You're so weird! You go from the worst place on earth (SATs) to the happiest place on earth!" haha! Random note: Its funny how Shyamal always says "I'm outta here!!!" when I insult him (=

& I leave you with this


teheh which one is real? (PS. LOOK AT THE SCORES! HAHA)
PS. THIS GAME IS SO FREAKING RIGGED.
SEE HOW HARD I TRIED IN THE PICTURE??
JEFFREY'S JUST LIKE "LOOK AT ME, I'M SO DUMB!" teheh (=

MORNING OF

SATs. should I really be freaking out this much ):

xmas list:
Kristina
Jerome
Minh
Jessica
Melinda
Janet
Jeffrey
Cristina
+ lots of food for my 2nd period English family table (=
(ESPECIALLY PIZZA LOLOLOL)
"Ms. Lee, we somehow all managed to end up with pizza for our topic."

SATS

Stressing me out! How is that the rest of our lives can be determined by one moment of one day for 3 and 1/2 hours. It's a little stressful don't you think? Hopefully will be my first AND last time.

GUESS WHO

just stayed up all night and slept for literally two minutes just to finish my APUSH outlines which are 40 + pages long and got in trouble for going to watch RUMORS because it ended so late?

WTF?!

School administration fucking sucks!
No birthday celebration things at school
& Agendas as restroom passes?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HELL MY AGENDA IS )=

-----
I'm tired of fighting, I'm weary. But I constantly feel like I have to prove myself to someone, and sometimes even to myself.

OMG

I woke up at not 4, but at 3! (= Now it's 5:50 and I've been literally doing nothing except APUSH. Anyway, about something other than APUSH, Life is pretty mediocre. Things could be better, but again, others could of been worse. All in all, I am satisfied what life has to offer. In school, doing significantly better compared to last quarter. Got a bit lazier though. How's that supposed to work out? haha off to doing my math homework, I'll finish APUSH tonight before watching RUMORS.
Amazing how I don't run on coffee these days!

LOL

clara: now theres no people to talk me out of the
clara: monstrous things i shall inflict on you
jeffrey: LOL
clara: =)
jeffrey: pfft
jeffrey: monstruouis!
clara: dont push me.
jeffrey: OKAY
jeffrey: SORRY

I have so much power (=

Anyway, I just set my alarm to wake up tomorrow.
I have 7 alarms set on my phone.
I'll surely wake up at 4 tomorrow!

I AM

refraining from doing my APUSH Homework at the moment (= So today I was key word SUPPOSE to wake up at 4. I wonder why I didn't .. JEFFREY? hehe just kidding. Anyway I ended up waking up at 6:30. I'm smart.

YET AGAIN

You know that feeling, kind of like deja vu, where you're going through the same thing, over and over again? Same shit, like you know the feeling all too well? Like chasing something that you're never going to catch up to? It's this feeling all over again, where you just play guessing games the whole time. Welcome back.

TO SOMEONE

I honestly doubt that you are going to read this. But I don't understand how you can cope with situations like these. I really do applaud you for that, but at the same time, I really just wanna smack some sense into you. Coming from an emotionless and experience-less point-of-view, it just really is not worth it. You could be moving on right now onto better things, better people. Dealing with the past isn't necessary if you're in the present. But then again, I really have no say in your decisions. The only thing I can provide is an ear to listen. My only intention is to help you and to just be there for you. To be honest, when you're feeling down, I'm feeling down. I really do care about you.


On another note, I was wondering, how the heck do you make your blogs private.
I guess I'm fine with people I'm actually close with reading the things I write, but otherwise, it might actually kind of creep me out?

HOMEWORK UPDATE
Trigonometry Homework #54
Annotations
Reading Questions #1-3
US History Chapter 13 Outline

Alrightttt, your girl has some homework to get to!

HOLY CRAP?

So I'm sitting here minding my own business and finishing my FRQ (Haha I woke up in time, thanks babe) Anyway! THIS HUGE COCKROACH COMES OUT FROM LIKE NOWHERE LITERALLY (and it's like 4 in the morning) So I start freaking out like crazy cause it's moving so fast and everything. I attempted to trap it in a cup but every time I got near it, I started trembling. I also tried to put a bucket over it, darn you round buckets, but it was in a corner. So, I did what all people do and ask my mom to wake up at 4 to kill the cockroach (=
THIS IS HOW IT WENT (really)
Me: MOM!!!!!!!!! THERE'S A COCKROACH.
Mom: O_O (literally no joke)
Mom: *Chases cockroach with a napkin (ONLY ONE NAPKIN TOO)
she's brave!
but HOLYCRAP! I never saw a cockroach in my house before. SO SCARY. I think I finally found something I'm more afraid of than spiders = cockroaches. Going to get ready for school now! Bye (=

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO

Today was a very uneventful day. School, SAT Model Testing, Homework. Sounds fun doesn't it? I wish everyday were like this. Really I'm not being sarcastic... So, I'm pretty much wiped out for the day. There's nothing I can do that will make me focus on finishing my FRQ (which is already late btw). As Jeffrey said to me earlier, I feel horrible for taking advantage of Mr. Armstrong's generosity. I don't think he actually lets us turn in assignments late, but we all do it anyway. Well this is the last time, I promised myself! Anyway, I am going to attempt to wake up at 4:00 AM again tomorrow! Epic fail today. I set my alarm at 4:00 to finish my FRQ and I totally compromised with myself and in the end, woke at 6:00 and got nothing done. Shows how good my judgment is (=

HOMEWORK KILLS
The Joy of Reading and Writing Annotations
The Joy of Reading and Writing Questions
Trigonometry Homework
Free Response Question
Extra Credit for APUSH (Finished #1 & #2)
English Extra Credit (First one)

I'm going to try to do 3-4 Extra Credit annotation & responses a week!
Need to stack up on those points so I can bomb in class essays like I always do!

p.s. I hate my boyfriend
(stupidboy: my gf hates me)

Toodles!